Yesterday I returned home from a long trip to find an envelope containing a photocopy of a book my aunt compiled on my family containing fairly extensive information spanning about 3-4 generations. The thing is, this is my biological family, most of whom I am "meeting" for the very first time. Needless to say, I'm kind of in awe.
About 25 years ago, I met my biological mother. She sat down at her dining room table and told me little tidbits about many in her family. Sadly, many of her stories were embellished and I'm finding they don't represent the truth based on DNA results and the research I've done through the years.
For instance, she told me we were direct descendants of Chief Sitting Bull. As you can well imagine, my husband had a lot of fun with that one. He was always joking with his friends that his wife was "full of bull". You'd have to know my husband to understand how this was an endearment, not a way to poke fun of me or discredit me in any way.
Another tale she told me was I had a cousin named Ronnie Milsap who was born blind and whose mother abandoned him at birth. And while some of the details may have some parallels and I have an aunt who married a Milsap, there are no indications in any records that my family was ever in NC; he would have been born AFTER there were already two other children in the family so the odds of her abandoning him to his grandparents (that would have had to be her husband's parents) are pretty slim. Oh well ... even with my musical background, there really is no verifiable connection.
Of course, then, there's the fact that she told me she had been married three times. In doing research, I find she had been married five times and had children by other men who were not her husbands. I guess if I were trying to make an impression on a long-lost biological child, I'd probably try to cover all that up, too! I'm not judging, just stating the facts.
I was her first born (as far as we can tell) and she had one other child by my bio father whom she also gave up for adoption. The story she told was a bit difficult to swallow, but it really doesn't matter at this point. She also indicated, aside from the 5 children she raised, there were a total of 4 children she had given up for adoption, although she couldn't recount the details of where or when or who were their fathers.
Sadly, it's looking like I'll never find my biological father's family. He died in 1969 and his siblings are either not living or don't know about my existence. His wife died a few years ago and I'm finding no indication they had children (I could be wrong). Although I've traced his family history back to the Revolutionary War, I would love so much to find a picture of him or meet a cousin or two or learn more about his family.
My husband and I have adopted children; however, they are in contact with their biological families -- at least two of them are. Our third adopted child wants nothing to do with his bio family; his memories are too fresh and traumatic. His bio siblings have all been in communication but he still resists a relationship with them. In his case, it's good he does. He's a grown man with 4 children and a wonderful wife. He's an incredible father and takes his role in the home very seriously. He came to us a very wounded young teen at nearly 15 years of age and bonded out of desperation to be wanted and to belong. He's never let his own children feel what he felt as a child.
Anyway, all this to say ... this has been an emotional time of piecing together my biological background, learning about family I've never met yet with whom I share DNA and biological history. It's odd going through and seeing the names that are so foreign to me, tracing their steps, learning about their relationships, etc. One of the things that still is strange is seeing that many of these people lived fairly close to me growing up, and some are buried in cemeteries not far from where we live today.
I have a new understanding of who I am and why God chose to place me with the family who raised me as their own. For that I'm very grateful!
End of rambling for today.....
Jan (aka Mary Louise Dugger Stockwell)
