A longtime Wikitreer told me to "learn to read" over a proposed match

Question

A Wikitreer who has been active since 2013 and should surely know better has sent me a snotty message after I requested a merge of two profiles. Regardless of the two profiles having the same wife with the same unusual name, apparently it is I who struggles with literacy. Is this what I should continue to expect on Wikitree?

I quote:

people keep mixing up the information between the two by trying to constantly merge them into one person. Learn to read and check the whole sheet of info, not just the names and dates at the top.

Comments

Hi Jessica, I'm not quite clear why the merge was questioned. I've reproposed. Thanks for your work on WikiTree. Gillian

Answer 1

Hi Jessica, no it is not not what you should expect. Many people are rather territorial over ‘their’ profiles. I think that you both would benefit by having a conciliator. Don’t wiki whilst angry is a good ideal to try and practice also.

Comments

I'm sorry, Marion, but it feels a bit like I'm being scolded -- being told "don't wiki when angry" -- despite not being the aggressor. I am sure you don't mean it that way.

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they look like a good match to me

file an MIR

AND

post the proposed merge in g2g for group examination and discussion

you might want to message about the merge to Eowyn Langholf or Abby Glann and let Admin handle it

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Thanks, Eddie. I think I will wait till tomorrow to see if any of the Mentors/Admins get back to me regarding this situation before I post the proposed merge in G2G for discussion (as the Wikitreer is the manager of one of the profiles, that might count as publically calling out the Wikitreer in question, which we're not supposed to do).

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Sorry Jessica, but I felt that having been rightly offended by the other PM, your reaction was likely to escalate the situation. Something I don’t believe you intended. The don’t wiki was for both of you as a reminder, not a scolding.

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Don't worry, Marion. Although I am not happy with how some Wikitreers talk to me, I would not nastily confront them, either here or in private.

Answer 2

Hi Jessica,

When there are difficulties working together with another member it is always best to follow the procedure outlined in Problems With Members https://www.wikitree.com/wiki/Help:Problems_with_Members so it can be addressed privately.

Thank you.

Answer 3

My advice is to take a page out of WikiTree's help page on being courteous:

When someone sounds rude, assume that they don't intend to be.

Be the bigger person. Treat them as you would like to be treated, not as they are treating you. Even if a person is rude to you, don’t be rude back.

I will note that the message posted by the other user does not appear to be directed at you specifically, as it was posted to the profile and not directly in reply to you. From the shape of it, I'm guessing similar merge attempts have been made in the past and this other member is perhaps venting about being repeatedly pestered. (Plus thrown on top of it, how we're all under a bit of extra stress these days!) 

Having other folks edit profiles without having read the full profile is inherently frustrating. That happens to all of us who manage profiles. I know that I've complained about the Fact-Fixers "correcting" algorithmically identified "errors" and it makes me bristle a bit.

Identify a way to help. My own approach would probably be to add a "disambiguation" header and details on each profile. e.g. Eilbeck-9

Still, even if this other user did so, there's no guarantee that others will read it, is there? Given what you've already said, it seems that you would have likely missed it. But honestly it's our responsibility to be conscientious and to read both profiles before merging. (It's a part of basic courtesy in my view!) Failing to do that begets sloppy genealogy... and frustrated comrades. 

I would advise against seeking an MIR as there's a risk that by immediately escalating a situation that you could cause someone to walk away. Unless that person is a complete jerk, it probably isn't in the community interest. You can be the bigger person here. 

Additionally, I will also note that it is not good practice to air dirty laundry in G2G because every edit and merge proposal that you've made is public: You may as well have just linked this question to the other user's profile. Because we can all follow the links, and I think you know that. Hence your posting this becomes an act of online shaming of the other member. That's not helpful, nor good for the community either. 

Comments

JN, I cannot fathom how you would think "Learn to read and check the whole sheet of info, not just the names and dates at the top" isn't directed at me. I really cannot. I don't know how people talk to you, but if someone says that to me, I take it as a personal attack or, at the very least, something that is breathtakingly rude and not up to our community standards. I implore you to take another look at this situation and what you wrote to me. I am very sorry, but your tone comes across to me as dismissive and implying that I received the treatment I did because I do sloppy genealogy. If you think I'm so sloppy, ask me to leave Wikitree and you can have all my profiles for your own. 

Answer 4

That's unfortunate Jessica!  You and I have both been here long enough to know that is not how most people on WikiTree are.  All I can say is to continue to be the kind and helpful person that you are and keep doing what you do!

Answer 5

If this has been a recurring problem on this profile, and multiple members keep "mixing up the info" between two different people, then IMHO the correct approach would be to add a prominent Research Note to the profile that calls attention to the info that is being mixed up, and explains clearly why the two profiles are not duplicates.  I would tell the Profile Manager so, and add that if he/she is unable or unwilling to articulate a clear, convincing argument, then he should expect the annoying merge proposals to continue.

Comments

The merge has gone through. There is really not much controversy over the profile in question, the person is reasonably well documented and the sources on the profile support the conclusions reached in the profile. It just has a couple duplicates, which happens!

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Yes, it happens.  Problem solved by unfavorable publicity?  And you are literate after all?

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I believe I am still literate and all fingers and toes seem to be accounted for as well.

Answer 6

I was going to say "Verlinda isn't that unusual a name, or at least it doesn't seem to be among my colonial Maryland relations" and then had a look at the relationship finder and saw that your Verlinda is my 1C8R.