Mentors Tips - Am I rude or am I just trying to communicate?

Question

Am I rude or am I just trying to communicate?

We have so many people from around the world using WikiTree as their base for Genealogical research, data storage and most importantly collaboration.

To collaborate one must communicate. If someone leaves a short message on your page - "What are you doing, no sources?" Or some other similar message, bear in mind that the sender's native tongue may not be English. So the message isn't rude it's just to the point.

We all speak well in the tongue we grew-up with, but speaking, communicating, collaborating in a different one, means we may not use all the embellishments, niceties, a native speaker might use.

So I ask, am I rude or am I just trying to communicate?

Mags, Mentor and Communicator

Comments

One time as I crossed the border into Italy I asked the customs agent "Parla, Inglese?" when of course I should have asked, "Parla, Inglese?" In that case, it's a matter of inflection, the accentuation, the intonation is all-important.  I thought I was being friendly, he thought I was rude and demanding and he quite dressed me down in some choice Italian as I just kind of stood there.

You have the same thing in English as well.  "We're going to the beach", "Great", say the kids.

Kid breaks grandmother's antique vase, "Great",  says Granny meaning the opposite of great of course.  :D

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It sounds like you are trying to communicate and that sometimes that effort can be misunderstood. 

In a case where someone seems to me to be rude in their communication with their comments or answers at WikiTree, I am inclined not to answer. 

 

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In most cases, I never even get a response when I post a question or something to an ancestor's profile. I would be happy with almost ANY response, as I'm just trying to collaborate and shed (or ask for) more light on a profile.

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Frank, My point exactly. It may be rude to you, but may really be an attempt to communicate. Even if it's not a language barrier, if someone goes the distance to leave a message, they are still trying to communicate.

Smile through the bulls&^t and you may come away with a diamond - if you smash the bulls*&t you will get yourself dirty AND you might smash the diamond hidden inside. If you smile and handle it nicely you might have to wash it and polish it but it's still a diamond.

Sharon, Leave me a note on any profile I manage and i will answer you! :-)

Mags

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I agree an attempt should always be made...but I have found that there are times when I just cant work with someone. I don't think its a language barrier, I think its a personality difference. Liberal vs conservative, optimist vs pessimist, stats oriented vs story oriented and the list goes on. But if you cant work with Mags...you got a problem.

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I have MS sometimes it is an effort to make a long detailed message. So I write short messages that sometimes come across as rude and forceful. I have to be careful to sound pleasant. When I really don't  mean to be rude.

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I have never thought anything more than very nice things about your rude comments Trudy, Really. :-) Mags

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Your reply was well put and good advice in nearly all situations. I say nearly because for some reason I avoid absolutes as best s I can. Thank you! jt

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Trudy,,

I sympathise greatly. I have Parkinson’s and a deep brain stimulator. This means sometimes I cannot type for toffee and sometimes my voice is squeaky, high and unintelligible. Not the hearers fault. But I wish they would tell me they didn’t get it - otherwise how do I know that? and though my messages are often short I never intend them to be rude.

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Thank You William.  It is very frustrating, as I am sure you know, to be a very intelligent human being and come across as a gold fish blowing bubbles.  It is especially hard when it takes hours to put info on a profile and someone comes through and wipes out all that info because of punctuation, misspelling so that it is easier to read.  Because " after all he is a journalist."  and the whole information I wrote is twisted to his point of view.  I am not really complaining here just expressing how I feel.

The nit picky little things that people say often make people who have a ton of info and resources and a great deal of knowledge feel like complete idiots because they can't keep up with the ever changing requirements of Wikitree.  I feel overwhelmed by all the things that I feel are excess bagage.

Anyway.  Mags thank You for your nice comment about me.

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 Mags!

Answer 1

I agree, I'll always answer a comment or question even if only to say I don't know the answer! It's great that someone is interested enough to ask.