Lack of Common Sense??

+58 votes
I want to share this experience I had yesterday because I don't think the Rangers, Mentors, Leaders, etc truly understand how someone like me could really appreciate the volunteer work that they do.

I filled out an unresponsive manager request about a week ago. Whoever responded to this request told the person who it was that made the request. At least that is what I understood from the very nasty, childish message I received from the manager of the profile I requested to join the trusted list on.

I remember when I was a mentoree and working with my mentor, I had asked why I was given a mentor. She never told me who made the complaint but did tell me what the complaint was. I respect her more for that as knowing myself, when I am upset I can act quite the child as well, I would have sent a message to the person stating such terms as why couldn't you have messaged me instead of tattling on me? Why couldn't you offer to help instead of being a butt? But that would have only caused a bigger problem and possibly caused me to lose my account which therefore, all my hard work would have been flushed. I wouldn't have had access to it and I would have had to start all over.

So I want to point out the whole "Don't Wiki while angry" clause. That is a huge thing. As I have stated to many when I have worked with them or said in messages, I have dealt with many online communities and sometimes we forget there are real people behind the screens. These people are doing work just as much as you are to find their family heritage and connect them to the world tree. We are all related somehow, in someway. I always ask myself, would I talk to my mother, my father, my brother, or anyone else I care for in that manner? If the answer is no, then you should probably walk away from sending them anything until you have calmed down.

So I want to thank my mentor who became a great friend to me. I also would like to thank all of those that take time out of their lives to volunteer on Wiki to not only help preserve the heritage of the world tree and each individual line but, for helping to preserve each person's work, collaboration, and sanity. For working with each one of us so we can become better genealogists and not rip heads off. Collaboration is never really easy but with the volunteers in the Rangers, Arborists, Mentors, Leaders, etc; they make it easier every day. So thank you to all of them. Out of almost a year on WikiTree, that was the first nasty message that had crossed my path since I first started. So obviously those people have done the right thing and respectful thing. I give you all a standing ovation with my glass of Mountain Dew :P
in The Tree House by Living Bartlett G2G6 Mach 2 (25.8k points)
I just want to say that I am way new to this and still figuring a lot out.  If I do something wrong, somebody please don't hesitate to tell me.  I don't know enough about anyone in my family.  That is why I am here.  I am trying to operate only on fact.  I am on, and I have a lot of things that need correcting in there.  I am striving to add only what I know for sure.  I will correct anything that I can confirm is incorrect, or add any information that someone else knows is correct.  I really like this site.  I would add that sometimes having a little bit of information, no matter how inexact, has helped me to get to the correct facts, after having started with nothing.  The story of my great grandfather's lynching is an example.  I heard family stories, and then I was given a family name that helped me figure it out and find my way to the newspaper article about him.  I think our end goals are way too important to get sidetracked with bickering.

Brenda, I got the goose bumps when reading about your Gr-Grandfather being lynched. Not a day goes by that I don't hear a story, recollection or tidbit of information that makes me realize how precious our lives are.  These are the memories I want to preserve for future generations and I need all the help I can get.  In this respect, I want to add my hearty THANK YOU to each and every member along with the scores of volunteers here on Wikitree for encompassing the friendly and helpful community where I want to preserve my precious family history. 

Thank you, Deborah, for those encouraging words to everyone.  I think what you all are doing is awesome.  I am so addicted to this site now.  My slowdown is sourcing for the family that I know.  I am trying to complete those family members and source accurately so I can discover things about the ones I am not familiar with.
Thank you, Dodie, Brenda, and Deborah! :-)
Brenda -- I just applauded you. I thought you should know. :-)
Y'all kewl man  ;) I'm not addicted to wikitree But it's the best thing since sliced bread. I haven't minded the 80+ hrs a week to get some "Exponential Growth" I rec'on my tree now has lots more Sourced connections than I have elsewhere... . Everybody here has been so helpful & now that I am helping & don't feel guilty for leaning on the tree/wikitree. I still lack lots of html / wikitree skills, I will have to slow it all down to grasph those brass rings. T Y
I too have so much gratitude,,,,,got carried away with growing my tree because I waited so many years,,,now I too want to  learn more about how wikitree works,,,the mechanics of it,,,,I will forgive myself for the mistakes I've made ,,,but,,,I still want to clean things up a bit before I move on,,,,thankyou to those who have shown me patience,,,,,,you may have to continue with that patience  for awhile till I've gotten a good hold on those ''brass rings''  oops,,,made another duplicate post

4 Answers

+12 votes
Best answer
I just read this and would like to point out that Dodie is a fabulous mentor herself!! She is correct in pointing out that it is difficult to think when upset and that is a great time to stop, drop and roll the issue to someone else. Sorry that you received that unpleasant communication, though!  I am not surprised that you handled it this well!  We are all in this one big family tree together!!
by Paula J G2G6 Pilot (262k points)
selected by Debra Allison
Thank you Paula for your kind words. You are right, we are all in this together :D
+21 votes
I've been involved in online groups for about 30 years; before there was an internet.  In fact it was Al Gore, who came to our wedding reception here in Tempe, AZ, who told my bride and I how important the internet was going to be...No, not THAT Al Gore but that was his name and I'd met hem on a CompuServe group.  Anyway, it didn't take too long before I learned that you don't reply when angry.  And also that you should always reread what you've written before you send it.  As a result, many times I've erased what I wrote and either not sent anything or toned it WAY down.
by Dave Dardinger G2G6 Pilot (416k points)
Yes, I find it therapeutic to write a bunch of stuff, then wait a few minutes and just hit cancel. :)
It is very difficult to hold your tongue even in print but i have learned the hard way myself!
Ever tried to hold down an actual tongue,,,very slippery stuff,,,,has to be an easier way,,,,,love this site,,,just joined,,,no experience,,,,it helps to see those of you who know so much,,,,and right now it helps(almost as much) to see those who are struggling a bit(as i am) with this wonderful wikitree challenge
I tie my goat closer to the tree.
?????re goat,,,,,,,poor goat,,,,,,aren't the supposed to be hopping on cars and over fences,,,,
Never heard the expression? " Don't let it get your goat" .

 You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil is lead.
Ahhhhh,,,,,,,got it,,,,hmmmm,,,,mind if I use that,,,not copywrited,,,,,I,Don't let anybody get my goat,,,,I keep it tied up,,,,still can't help feelibad for the poor goat,,,,,ohhh well,,,back to climbing trees.

Maggie McJannet , no problem, it's not ® Copywritten.

 Old wise saying make the world a better place. T Y for the compliment.

You are welcome,,,,maybe we should be thanking the goat,,,,,,,very challenging for a goat to be tied up given it's  innate nature,,,,,but,,,,,we don't want anyone to ''get it''' because  a goat  ''on the loose can wreak havock"

So this is good,,,,this' goat'  parallel has really illustrated


being aware that we are human is a good thing and that  ''control'' is not always a negative term.

 I don't want to control you,,,,,,but,,,,being aware of my"" humanness"" re anger and acknowledging it ,,,,is not repression,,,,it's an appropriate action taken for health and or safety reasons.,,,,,

,also if you shout at me,,,I'm going to back away,,,,I won't listen to what you are saying even if what you are saying is something I would "lean in to" and listen to if you were whispering.

Ok,,,,back to climbing trees for me,,,,gosh I appreciate this Wikitree Rainforest
+11 votes
Common sense is surprisingly uncommon
The version of that I heard went, "The trouble with common sense is that sense is not at all common."
+11 votes
I agree, there are some "leaders " who are not polite or helpful. And then you get the ones who are. I was recently  referred for a mentor and wasn't very happy about it because of the way it was done so publicly. But that led to connection with my mentor, whom I adore and appreciate. She knows who she is. She's taken me under her wing and actually helped me be a better member, rather than slapping my virtual hand for a few mistakes. I've still got a way to go but under her tutelage I know I'll get there!!!
by Summer Orman G2G6 Mach 8 (89.8k points)

Hi Summer,

I noticed your comment here about WikiTree Leaders being impolite.

As you probably remember, courtesy is part of our Honor Code. All signers of the Honor Code have to try to assume good intentions (point III) and be courteous (point IV). We expect even more from Leaders. They don't just have to try. We expect them to be consistently successful at it! :-)

To see our requirements for Leaders:

If a Leader's behavior is upsetting you please see

This could result in a Mentor Intervention Request and possibly escalate to Mediation. It sounds like the somewhat public nature of this process may make you uncomfortable. (I say "somewhat public" because escalation requests only go to a subset of Leaders, the Ranger Leaders.) To understand why we've decided not to do everything behind closed doors, see and the pages connected to it.



Hi Chris,


Thanks for your comment. I'll contact you privately. :)

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