Family member refuses access to trusted list [closed]

+8 votes
I have a bit of a problem with family relations, wherein one side of the family seems determined to refuse that the other side of the family exists.  One of my ancestors, after the death of his wife, remarried fairly late, to a much younger woman, and had six kids with her.  He's been dead since 1957, his first wife dead since 1938, and the second since 2002.  

For reasons I don't understand, the family of his first marriage has refused to acknowledge that he had another marriage, and that there are kids from that marriage.  Though some people from the latter marriage have been DNA tested (my own test shows up on his profile page now), it doesn't look like relatives from the first have, so we can't yet use DNA to verify the relationship (though I've offered to pay for the test myself, to several people on the other part of the tree.)  Wikitree is just one of a number of places where this has happened.

I'm currently trying to add that marriage and the children from it, to his profile on Wikitree, but the profile manager has locked it, and so far has been unwilling to consider allowing me on the trusted list to add that additional marriage certificate.  I've made a second request for this, so this question is a general one - what is the Wikitree policy on this?  My second request seems to be being ignored.  What should I do next?
WikiTree profile: Moses Sears
closed with the note: Sufficiently answered!
in Policy and Style by Kenneth Clark G2G Crew (590 points)
closed by Kenneth Clark
As one of those family members you speak of I can say no one has denied you anything. We are very busy people and will be getting back to you shortly. I hope you realize that real life must come first.
It looks like this issue has been resolved; may we close this topic?
Jillaine, yes, this is resolved and the answers were very helpful.  I'm fine with closing it.  Thanks!

2 Answers

+8 votes
Best answer

It's probably best that you don't link to a profile that displays the name of the manager you are having issues with.

Go to the "Contact" section of the Trees and Tools page of the profile in question and click the link for "Unresponsive Profile Manager Request Form" and fill it out.

You might also want to contact the profile manager in question one more time before submitting the form and remind him politely of the Honor Code he agreed to as well as this page on Ownership and Control of profiles.

by Deb Durham G2G Astronaut (1.0m points)
selected by Kenneth Clark
On the name of the manager being on the profile - I thought of that, but the form for the comment asked for that information.  Perhaps a note there - "If this is a interpersonal issue, this field perhaps should be left blank"?

I'll do those - second suggestion first.  Thanks!
+7 votes
by Herbert Tardy G2G6 Pilot (581k points)

I found that page several days ago, and had been following it.  But this falls into grey areas in 4, 5, and 6. 

  • How long should one wait before bringing in a third party? 
  • How many requests should one expect to make to be put on the trusted list? 
  • When you ask the first time, and the very fast response is to discuss a few things, but avoid the actual question, what does that mean? 
  • When a second request goes unanswered, how long should you wait before doing something about it? 
  • How many times do you see multiple people from the same family do the same behavior before you question their intentions some? 
  • If you feel they most likely generally have good intentions, but on the particular question you have suspicions, does that constitute distrust, or just question?
  • The very concept of a trusted list implies that there are people who shouldn't be trusted.  By making someone a manager of a trusted list, you're making them the first level arbiter of who should be trusted.  If they seem to be ignoring my request, how am I to know (as a newer user) whether they have a legitimate reason for that that I'm not aware of, or if they're violating their agreement to collaborate?  And if they're breaching that agreement, is it intentional?  How would I know that?
All good points, Kenneth.  I've been lucky enough not to have had to use the process.  I just posted the link as my understanding of where to start.  On your last point, I think if they have valid (to them) reasons for refusing to add you or to collaborate, the Honor Code at least requires them to explain.  So, based on what you've written, they are not Honoring the Code.  Good luck!


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