Eunice, I wasnt offended because, really, I'm in a quandry about how to bio my several Confederate ancestors, as the very issues of the Civil War are with us today. But, I think I get your point, that if I were to laud those ancestors for what I belived they were fighting for, then some folks would certainly take offence at my take on my ancestors service.
An example: At the Battle of Wilderness, my great-grandfather and two of his brother (and assorted cousins) held the gap in Lee's army as Hancock's Division threatened to break through and destroy Lee. Poague's Battalion, of which my relatives were members, threw grapeshot and cannister at the oncoming Yankees until Longstreet's Division could arrive and fill the gap, thus saving Lee's army.
Now, how do I present that? Though I am proud of my great-grandfather's service at this battle and to the end of the war at Appomattox, I don't need to perfume it up to. I just state the facts.
This can certainly play out a different way. I wonder how folks from Britain think about our deifying our Revolutionary ancestors (I have 13, my wife has seven).
But an excellent point was made in one response you got. If I may paraphrase, WT is not the place to debate political, cultural, or pholisophical differences. Historical facts are historical facts. We welcome all, are courteous to all, and don't force folks into molds. I think Policy & Style have enough on their hands to keep us in check. :-)
I think your question was well thought out.