so Tom - Spill! What are the options that make this problem of not being trusted go away?
I'm not sure that my method is approved, so if you get in trouble with this, you're on your own.
I develope a new profile for the matched individual, then, when all family members are attached, all dates, etc., entered, I propose a merge, this does not allow me to be trusted with other than that individual, but I don't want that (trust) anyway.
Once I have proposed a merge, whether the other party responds or not, the merge proposal is recorded.
This isn't perfect, but it's the best I've come up with.