I (John Schmeeckle) discuss communicating with ancestors at this G2G thread.
On April 16, 2017 Dimsey (Buckelew) Young told me that she acquiesced in her father giving her to her husband by extracting the promise that she would be the mistress of her kitchen. Her mother's father's mother was a Dempsey (Dimsey). Her mother's mother was a Merken. Dimsey has dealt in the past with genealogist descendants who appeared more interested in tracing the lineage than in building a rapport with ancestors.
I recorded the following on Jan. 30, 2018 (as Dimsey told me that D-i-m-s-e-y was how she spelled her name):
Dimsey (Buckelew) Young
Dimsey will begin her story. Dimsey wasn’t able to have the life that she imagined. Dimsey wasn’t able to choose her husband. She wasn’t able to choose where she would live. She wanted to have a way of living that was peaceful. She had to wait until husband died. And then she was able to live like she wanted.
Dimsey wanted to be able to have a good relationship with her mother. Dimsey hoped that she would be able to live near her mother. She had a feeling, when she married, that her husband wanted to move west. Dimsey knew, because of this feeling, that she would eventually be taken away from her mother. Dimsey wanted to stay in Kentucky, but her husband wanted to make sure that he had enough land.
Dimsey hoped that, because of her father’s decision to go to Missouri, her mother would still be with her. But Dimsey’s mother didn’t live long enough. Dimsey’s family moved to Missouri after her mother died. Dimsey had to accept that her life was changing. She had to simply agree to live in the way that her husband insisted on. She had no way of affecting the decision.
Dimsey wasn’t happy when the family moved to Missouri. She didn’t think that the land was very good. She thought that it was better where they came from. She didn’t want to be in this new location. She didn’t know most of the people. She wasn’t near any good friends, except for family members. The family consisted of her father, and her three brothers, and Dimsey and her husband. There were also three sisters and their husbands. Dimsey knew, because of this large group, that she wouldn’t have any problem with the community. Her family was the biggest group in their area. This made it easy for her family to not have trouble. Her group was criticized for not interacting with others. Dimsey thought this wasn’t a good criticism. But she had no way of showing that it was false.
Dimsey wanted to have a life where she could make decisions. She had the right to make decisions inside the kitchen. But she didn’t have any other right. She had the ability to keep busy in the kitchen. She always had something to clean. She thought that she would be able to avoid being commanded by her husband. This turned out to be a mistake. He was able to tell her to do things outside the kitchen. And this meant that he had the ability to tell her how to spend her free time. This was a big disappointment.
Dimsey hoped that, after a while, she would be allowed to do things in the kitchen. She hoped that her husband would not be so insistent that she do things outside the kitchen. But this never happened.
Dimsey was astonished when her husband died. She had no idea that this would happen. She wasn’t able to prepare. She simply had no husband. This was an incredible relief. Dimsey had the ability to do whatever she wanted. She had never had this freedom. Dimsey knew that she had to act like she was bereaved. She had to accept the comfort of her family. Dimsey was not overjoyed, but she was happy to be able to control her own decision making.
Dimsey hoped that, after her husband’s death, she would be able to continue as a single woman. She had sons who were old enough to work. She knew, because of her ability, that she could manage the farm. She had not acted to do this, but she had observed how her husband arranged things. And she was confident that she could continue to make sure that the farm produced enough to feed the family and purchase what was necessary.
Dimsey was unable to help her sons to marry. She simply had no resources. She knew that her husband had not planned to help his sons. He didn’t have the resources. He knew that, if his sons were going to be able to establish themselves, that they would have to find a way to succeed on their own. This meant that Dimsey would not be able to think of her sons living near her. They would need to go wherever they might find opportunities.
Dimsey hoped that, after her husband’s death, one or more of her sons would continue to live with her. Dimsey imagined, after thinking about this, that a son who stayed with her would continue with the farm. Dimsey knew that her husband had made a will. Dimsey also knew, because of what people had said, that the will wouldn’t be settled as long as she lived. This meant that Dimsey controlled the land.
Dimsey knew that the will provided for the land to be sold. Dimsey thought that one of her sons could buy the land from the rest of her children. Dimsey wanted this to happen. Dimsey hoped that a son would decide to do that. Dimsey imagined, if a son decided to do that, he could help farm the land and slowly save money so he would be able to pay the other children. Dimsey had a son who was willing to do this. And this is what eventually happened.
-- CLARIFICATION (added Jan. 30, 2018): Dimsey will say the following. Dimsey said that her family moved to Missouri with three brothers. This was not what she should have said. Dimsey was with three families that included sisters of Dimsey. Dimsey's "three brothers" were the husbands of her sisters. Dimsey had only one brother, who moved to Missouri but didn't stay in the same area. This is all that Dimsey will say.
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