How does genealogy help you improve your mental health?

Question

I never personally met my grandfather, so I never had the chance to know him when he was alive. Reason? He took his life years before I was born. And nobody knew and understood why he did it.

Fast forward to more than 40 years since it happened, life has never been the same for my mother, who lost her beautiful world of unicorns because of it. Unfortunately, it wasn't just her who struggled with mental health issues but everyone, including her siblings. 

As an adult, I started noticing regularities between them as to how they behave towards themselves and their families, including their closest relatives and friends. 

They firmly believed that "there is no other way around" and "they don't deserve any better than this" upon making important life-changing decisions.

Growing up as the black sheep or the weirdo in the family, I have always thought this adjective is who I am and who I will become. With the help of a few people and the internet, I realized how my grandfather's death affected everyone's ability to dream, aspire, and believe in themselves. 

Though I have spent years researching mental health, I always find myself stuck with this question. 

Given my recent interest in genealogy, believing that I could find answers from it, how does this field help me and everyone's mental health? 

Do you think learning more about genealogy brings positive outcomes to people's mental health? If so, can you explain why? 

Answer 1

Hi Mecyll,

There have been previous posts on this forum where I have noticed a common thread, and that is there are a lot of people who do genealogy because it's like working on a giant, never-ending jigsaw puzzle. Fitting people together with their relationships, discovering and documenting sources, making new discoveries, etc. Working on any kind of mental puzzles helps to keep the mind alert.

There is also a commonality in those who are detail-oriented. It provides an outlet for those who like to create order around them. As, John Vaskie pointed out, it calms him.

I think that there is another aspect, that is not often talked about, but I have run into it myself. I am not exactly happy with my family or how I grew up. But I realize that I could not choose my blood family. Oddly, I have this desire to know where I came from, so that I know that I can choose to be different than they were. And therein lies, I think, a key difference: free will and choice.

If you can get past the title of the book, "7 Habits for Highly Successful People", it has a fascinating beginning that talks about that we do have choices in our lives. That we can choose to behave differently, choose to react differently to events in our lives.

I liken this to the concept of Locus of Control in psychology. Those who have an External Locus of Control believe that Life "happens to them", that they are victims of circumstances, and that they exert little to no influence over their life. Those who have an Internal Locus of Control believe that what they do, and the conscious choices they make, influences their life in a positive way, and they see the results of that.

For me, working on genealogy is about discovering the past, seeing the connections, the changes in people's lives, and how it has influenced them, and in turn, how it has influenced me. 

So that way, I see those influences, and I gain control over those influences. So I can make conscious, better decisions over my life, and I am not under some subconscious, generational influence. Because generational trauma does exist, and it's very difficult sometimes to see it and to break its influence over us. Like what you described in your family.

It doesn't have to be this way. But it does require seeing the problem, and making a conscious effort to not be influenced by it and to make better decisions.

My 2 cents.

Comments

Well said, Eric.

Answer 2

For the elderly, genealogy in general and genealogy as practiced on WikiTree provides connections, to ancestors but also to living people.  Just the sense of being part of a community is healthy.

Comments

And self-worth. Providing something that you know will benefit others, even if you will never meet them, is healthy.

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Hi, David! Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your side about this, which means a lot to me. 

You were right when you said that taking genealogy a bit more seriously has led me to see and experience a warm sense of community. And I felt that when I joined WikiTree a few days ago.

Though I have been trying to find answers to this family mystery for around ten years, I had no idea that what I was doing -- interviewing the surviving siblings of my maternal grandmother, for instance -- was genealogist work. 

Believe me or not. I only realized it when I joined here. Haha! 

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Hi, Jonathan! Thank you for your reply. Yeah, this project has been a challenging and lonely journey for me. Though an introvert, I mustered enough balls of steel to manage the work I did to get more and more answers, especially from the elders in the family.

I started this project, which I never knew was part of a professional genealogist's work; it was as if I was the only person in the entire family (I mean generational level) who truly cared about learning more about the more profound stories that most of us never knew. 

The majority of the family accepted the event and had never shown any intention to dig into the issue a little bit deeper. Instead, they spent most of their lives covering this up with various unhealthy coping mechanisms. 

For example, my aunt (my mother's youngest sibling) had physically abused me for years. Though it was painful to recall that dark chapter of my life, it never occurred to me to hate her back. It's just not me at all.

Ultimately, she broke into tears and told me everything she had gone through. And this happened not too long ago. She bawled and bawled, asking me why I remained kind to her after all she did to me.

I told her I couldn't. Holding a grudge against someone isn't my thing. What mattered to me was knowing the reasons for doing those things to me. The overwhelming guilt compelled her to explain her side of the story. 

Surprisingly, she was depressed about having a miserable life and family when my mother asked her favor to take care of me while she worked a lot. I mean a lot that I forgot about having a mother.

That was the first time I realized that my years of work as an amateur genealogist was paid off. Honestly, it felt great knowing that I helped my aunt let go of this guilt towards me for years.

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Catharsis is good for the soul - or for the human spirit (for those who don't believe in souls).

Doing genealogy can be cathartic for the doer, too.

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@Melanie: Thanks for finding the right word that I was looking for: Catharsis.

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"CATHARSIS" --- the word I'll take home from this meaningful exchange of experiences and vulnerabilities about our painful and haunting memories of yesterday.

 By the way, I had to look into the word to ensure I got the definition right. Haha!  And here's how VeryWellMind.com defines it in their recent published stories:

Catharsis involves both a powerful emotional component in which strong feelings are felt and expressed, as well as a cognitive component in which the individual gains new insights.

 After reading your comment, Melanie, as I mentioned, I had to research this word quickly while second-guessing myself about its definition. 

Nevertheless, I am uncertain about how I made my aunt feel compelled to tell herself, "F***k it finally!" and did it. Do you know what I mean? 

Until now, I am still puzzled by how the events turned out. I remember that it wasn't like I planned the whole thing. Before we came home, we went somewhere and hung out just like other aunties and nieces would. 

But then, it happened. 

Honestly, it made me feel a little bit curious about what went through in her mind, in that millisecond, that the atmosphere changed after a whole day of spending time talking and laughing with her, specifically how my overall disposition made her feel comfortable, emotionally safe, and like convinced that it was the perfect time she could do so.

And it wasn't like she ever saw me for such a long time because my family visited her weekly. So, learning about the word "catharsis" to describe that moment is something I could take home and reflect.

Thank you so much! 

Answer 3

The problem solving keeps my mind alert and success helps with self-esteem and confidence as I age.

Comments

Hi, Daniel! How are you?

So, you're saying that being involved in genealogy helped you find some distraction from what's happening around you. Correct me if I'm wrong. 

That's how I implied your phrase, 

"keeps my mind alert, and success helps with self-esteem as I age." 

One thing that intrigued me with that line was the word "success."

Do you mind if you could describe what that word meant and how that success helped rebuild that losing inner power because of what's happening in your family?

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I think you are reading more into my comment than I actually meant.  I will be 81 years old next month, I have always enjoyed solving complex puzzles and problems. There are plenty of those in doing genealogy and I think that the research and analysis is exercise for my mind. Success refers back to the puzzles. When I finally resolve a problem or break through a brick wall, it reassures me that at my age I still have what it takes.

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That's great!

Answer 4

I have PTSD. Going down genealogical rabbit holes calms me.

Comments

Hi, John! How are you doing?

Do you mind if I ask how your genealogical rabbit holes could calm you down? Can you describe what that feels like? 

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Even when I'm not struggling, my mind is going a mile a minute. When I'm struggling, multiply that by a thousand. If I'm in a full blown anxiety attack, rabbit holing doesn't help and it's not something I even consider. Luckily, full blown attacks have diminished as my coping skills have strengthened. Going down rabbit holes makes me focus my energy on one, or a small set, of tasks, and pretty soon I'm moving along nicely, and everything seems fluid. 

I am very fortunate to have an outstanding support system, and while I know PTSD will always be there, we all help each other live and deal with it. 

Sorry if this seems to ramble. It's hard to put it to words, but thank you for asking. 

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I appreciate your reply, John, because it describes how I feel precisely every minute. Even though I have been learning how to handle the distress of PTSD in various ways, talking it out with like-minded people who could understand why I'm into studying my family history helps a lot. And I truly appreciate it a lot. 

Answer 5

Hey Mecyll, Welcome to Wikitree. I too am new having caught the Wiki only a stop or two before you. I have wore many hats without focusing on style or fit-- some would suggest these were only disguises. I find the rabbit (hole) more interesting than the pigeon (hole) even though the pigeon can fly. I sense that I have spent a lot of my life in a fox hole with unlikely partners defending a position as if my life depends on it, even though it doesn't. I find it comforting/refreshing to engage with like minded people who share a common interest from a variety of positions of interest. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I find I have time to pursue genealogy on a superficial basis at least.  One of the '7 Habits', I believe by steven Covey, as referenced above, is Sharpening the Wheel. Taking time to regroup and focus which helps maintain a positive mental attitude. After all, it's not what life throws at us, but rather, how we react to it. From a cursory review, I see the Cival War as a far reaching influence on at least one branch of my family tree as far as criminality and traditional values are concerned. So far, genealogy has helped me identify some of the players I didn't know as family.

Comments

Hi, Kevin! I know I will never understand how that feels when you realize how circumstances like that are dire and hopeless. However, my grandfather was also one of the young conscripts recruited by the Americans when the Philippines fell into Japanese occupation in 1941.

Upon knowing and learning that your family has fallen into the rabbit hole of the mental abyss because of what happened to them, how was it like for you at that moment? How did you feel about yourself, everything in your life, and what's around you?

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I have to assume your grandfather was greatly affected by his involvement w/ the Japanese occupation. I have known several WWII, Korean and Veit Nam Vets. I can't believe any of them look at life or themselves the same ever again. Every one processes their demons differently. Some see them as an extension of the "enemy" they had to eliminate to survive while others fell victim years later. You could have been expected to hate your aunt for her transgressions against you, yet something in you would not allow it. I gave up doing what I want long ago, now, I just do what I can. I'm still conflicted but have fewer responses to choose from.

Answer 6

The more I learn about my ancestors and relatives through genealogy, the more context I have to understand circumstances they had that could contribute to any shortcomings they may have demonstrated, and any difficulties they may have passed on to the next generation.

In other words, the more I know, the more I am inclined to give them a more kind or charitable judgment. And I'm thus reminded to do the same for myself.

Comments

Hi, Matthew! Did that experience help you forgive yourself, too?

Answer 7

It's a wonderful distraction after a long day at the office.  It's hard to think of the day's irritations when you are concentrating on genealogy.

Answer 8

Until age 31, when my wife and I started our relationship. I lived a mostly nomadic lifestyle. I have never lived in one house or apartment for more than 3 years prior to meeting her. My entire life was spent moving to different places. After I graduated high school. I joined the Army so I wouldn't have to live anywhere for long. In the just over 4 yrs between the army and her. I moved 7 times by choice. In 15yrs I have only moved once.

Genealogy helps scratch my itch that I have to constantly live in a different home or different city, or state. It helps me travel in my mind. Sometimes to where I'm from. Sometimes to where I have never been. Luckily, my kids only had to move one time. They didn't have to change schools at all, thankfully.